Boring Guys Are NOT fun

Since C.G.'s departure, I need a distraction. I need to get right back on the horse, so to speak.

Oh yeah, and I need to NOT date men who are insane.

So, I thought I would get back into the on-line dating thing and see what's out there since last year. Sadly I am not finding that much has changed. Now, I don't prefer to meet men this way, It just seems easiest for me right now. I live in a small town, where everyone knows everyone. The cost of living is insane here. Most of the men in my age group are either married, bums, or as you have seen...insane. I work in an industry that allows me to meet a lot of people, but, the are mostly old people, and they are moving away. My only free nights during the week/weekend, there is nothing going on in po-dunkville. When I do go out at night, and I go to a bar I am certainly NOT going THERE to meet the man of my dreams...I am going only to sing. I tried dating men from my church, but they all thought I was too overweight.

Church Guy #1: "Your body is a temple you know."
Me: "Well, just think of mine as a CURVY temple, would ya?"


So...I am on one site. I won't name it, but it ryhmes with dog pooh. I get a little nibble. I check him out and he hasn't written much, but he didn't say anything offensive or mention how much he likes skydiving so I send him a little ice breaker back. When he does write it's scattered, and rambling. I should just reply; "I don't think it would be a good idea to go any furthur with this as you are a complete moron." However, I decide, maybe he's just not good on line. I converse with him on line, back and forth with him a couple of times, and it's always the same. Rambling about his dog, his job, and the beach. He has told me all of these same things BEFORE! Twice! I feel like it would be futile at this point to meet him. I mean I am sure he would end up telling about his dog, and I am not real fond of "small feeder dogs". Then he would go on to tell me how he likes the beach, which have I meantioned he likes the beach? He likes the beach, in case you forgot. Then he would most likely forget he told me that, and tell me again. At that point, I would have to excuse myself from the "meeting" so I could call Jen and have her call me screaming about something that would make me leave in a hurry. Good times. I just think this would all be a waste of make-up....so I think I'll be polite and tell him I'm not over C.G. and need LOTS AND LOTS of time.

Mission Impossible...

This weekend I made it my personal mission to make-over my friend B.S.

Well ok, whatREALLYhappened, was after she saw Jen and I on Thursday night she said she felt frumpy. So my big mouth and I got me roped into helping her De-frump. To be fair, when I met B.S she was not frumpy at all. I mean she didn't know what deodorant was, but at least she dressed nicer. The only way I can describe her look before this weekend was...Well... an old dirty NASCAR bitch. First things first. Friday night we made her color her hair, and that made her go from old dirty NASCAR bitch to just dirty NASCAR bitch. YAY!

Saturday Jen, my daughter L. and I all piled in my car and off to meet up with B.S for a "Santa Maria Saturday".* When we saw her she was wearing black jeans, rolled up at the bottom. She had on those black orthopedic shoes that old ladies wear, and a muscle shirt with a little naked man on it, that she had gotten in Mexico. (Can you say Fashion train wreck?) She had her hair pulled back in a pony tail, with a SCRUNCHY (not in public ladies) and NO make-up on. This was going to be harder than I thought. So we headed off to Olive Garden for lunch complete with Bellinis. She had never been to Olive Garden, so we had to educate her on traditional "Diva Club" ordering techniques. This ALWAYS includes mass quantities of cheese, and alcohol. After that we headed off to the mall. I figured we could have taught her how to do skin care and make-up, but she needed a trained professionals help at this point. I told the very nice lady at the Clinique counter to treat B.S as if she was a caveman, and fix her. I mean, she wasn't even using any kind of skin care products at 45 years old!? They lady at Clinique asked her what moisturizer she was using...and B.S said "Moisterizer?"*boggle* They made her look like a girl, well sorta. We were so excited we almost wept. Jen took over from there, as we designated her the fashion advisor for the day. The first thing we needed to get rid of was that shirt...YIKES. Jen picked out some great things for B.S., and she ended up buying ALL of them. Before we went into the next store, B.S changed into her new top and jewelry. She actually looked pretty good at that point! After MAKING her buy a purse, and some great shoes we were exhausted.

As we drove back home satisfied with our work, B.S. called to thank us. She said that she felt better than she had in a long time. So, I guess we did a good job because that's what it's really all about. When you look good, you feel good! Now if we could get rid of her "homeless looking" boyfriend!

*Santa Maria Saturday: Any Saturday when you drive 40 minutes to Santa Maria to eat at Olive Garden, and go to the mall to shop.

Happy Monday

Happy Monday!

Don't forget to VOTE for me!

OK I am trying to make it happy Monday, but I am failing miserably. Usually Monday's at work fly by because I am so busy, but not today. The phones seem to be quieter than usual. This is not such a good thing. I need to stay busy. I need to keep my mind off the past. I need to keep moving forward. I need a new distraction. 

My weekend wasn't much help...it was strange. I spent Friday night out singing karaoke at a new place. Our friends Veigny & Mohawk told us we just had to go. It was a 40 minute drive to get there, and we had been out the night before so Jen and I were both wicked tired. It was pretty packed when we got there, so we grabbed a seat in the corner. People were looking at us like we were new meat. The crowd was a lot different than we are used to, so we were a bit timid, until our friends showed up. I felt better after I sang, and realized that people were not going to throw tomatoes at us. That's pretty much where all the good ends. At some point our friend Rachel decided all of us needed to do shots...It was all down hill from there. I ended up drinking way too much. Someone is lucky they didn't get punched in the face, as they decided to sit in my seat EVERYtime I got up. I had enough, and luckily it was time to go home. I think I did a few "drunk dialing" calls before the night was over, then passed out from mental & physical exhaustion. I probably would not have gotten out of bed on Saturday if I didn't have to get my nails done so badly. Saturday night I stayed home, and did nothing exciting...I needed a break.

I feel like I need about 16 days to sleep...It HAS to get better.

CG Is Insane...

CG Is insane...and CLEARLY he is a LIAR! Sometime before my trip to Reno we had made our relationship "official". The week after my trip CG and I got into a disagreement on the phone. He told me he didn't have a girlfriend. I wondered how *I* had a boyfriend (according to him) and he didn't have a girlfriend. What he should have told me was he had changed his mind because he got scared. However, men are chicken shit, and he didn't. Here I was confused as hell about our relationship, and asking him to tell me what he was talking about, and all he wanted to do was get off the phone. He said we could talk about it later in the afternoon, so I got off the phone. I didn't hear from him again for two days. I was of course beside myself with worry. He had never just NOT talked to me before, so I knew something had to be up. When he finally did call me, he told me he had been in jail. (LIE)

Now, let me preface this story by saying, I think everything that came out of his mouth was a big oh freakin lie! He "claimed" he had been in a restaurant with his two friends, and there was a person there who had hit his wife. CG and the two friends ended up mocking this person until he came over and took a swing at CG. CG proceeded to fight this person. The alleged result was his jaw broken in two places, broken ribs, leg, arm, and a skull fracture. (If this IS true, then CG is clearly insane ANYWAY.) It took him four days to finally tell me the whole story(or should I say Make it up), and when he did I was just so in shock. According to CG A few days later the man died. CG was charged with "Involuntary Manslaughter". He said they offered him a deal, because the wife of the man did NOT want to press charges as he had been abusing her for years. The deal was 5 months in county, and he only had to serve 14 days consecutive at a time, so he could continue to work. 10 years probation, 2 years of anger management classes, restitution for the medical bills for the family, and it wouldn't even be a felony. I thought something was fishy when he got such an "amazing deal", but when I questioned him he would flip out. Now...according to him a couple of weeks later he had to go to court on custody of his daughter. The mother was suing him for full custody, and when the DA found out about his little "murder incident" that was all it took in order for her to be awarded full custody with NO visitation until he jumps through a ton of hoops. He snapped, and just up and decided that he was going to move to Germany. He told me he had duel citizenship, as he was born in Germany, and he was just going to go work for his grandfather. Unexpectedly he calls me and tells me this, and says he is sorry things didn't work out different. Well, as you can probably imagine I didn't take that all to well. I was devastated. I mean I had invested 10 months with this person. I had loaned him money to fix a blown tire last summer when he needed it. I cleaned his apartment when he moved out. I stored his stuff in my warehouse free. I moved him with MY crew, and MY trucks FREE,and all he can say is Gee I'm sorry? Wow! Yeah I was angry, hurt, and ready to drive to Reno and choke him. However I didn't. Now he is supposably in Germany, because his grandfather paid $75,000 to keep him out of jail. He removed his USA tattoo, and renounced his American citizenship, and calls Germany home. Funny thing...I saw his Myspace and guess what? He is "dating" some flat chested skinny ass poodle haired bitch in Reno. I just don't understand why he didn't just "Break-up with me"...Good Times.

For Me...

I'm not writing this post for you today!

Today I am writing for me. I need to. I need to get back to writing on this blog for me, and not worrying about what anyone thinks. I stopped writing, because I thought I had "lost my funny". The truth is, I lost me. I don't know where I lost me, but I did. Maybe it's when I gave a part of my heart away. The good news is, I am back. The bad news is...I am back bitches! *giggle*

C.G. was destined to go to Germany and he is. I am sad of course, because I fell for the big dope. I don't regret it. He made good blog...Ok no I mean yes, he did of course with his talk of Tr*y, and trains. With his incredible wisdom about women, and who could forget his drunk dialing? I mean some of those were classic! However, I will miss him for a lot of other reasons. He became my best friend. It's not like he is dead and we will never talk again...so I guess in a way I get to keep my friend, but we could talk about anything, and nothing at all for hours. We would talk 15 times a day, just because we could. He could make me laugh, and I think I could make him chuckle once in a while too. When we were together is was comfortable, and never awkward. He was a spaz sometimes, but I thought that was cute. He was generally an all around good person, and it seemed he would do anything for the people he loved. I don't know if he ever loved me, if he did, he never told me in words. Maybe he loved me as much as HE was capable. I would like to think that he did. I will always love him, and I think he knows that. I spent the last ten months of my life getting to know, & falling in love with someone that could have been perfect for me, had things worked out a different way. Who knows, maybe someday things will be different. If not that's ok too. I gained a really super friend. I made some great memories, and I know that if I ever need anything from Germany he is my "go to guy".

Now, I need to move on..to what? To who? I'm not sure. I am sure it will provide good blog again though. Last night I went out to sing...Not to dress up, or get hit on by random weirdos that prey on innocent "Karaoke Divas" as usual. I did it to prove to myself that before all of this, I was a really awesome person with or without a boyfriend. My love for music, and singing is what got me through bad days. Made me cry, made me laugh. The people that are in my Karaoke Posse, are the best. It's not about just going out and having fun and being silly..It's about being part of a weird little mix of people I call family. No matter who I am dating, or not dating, they will be there, they will love me, for me...and all for a song.

I have stopped crying for C.G. and started singing, for ME.

I Often Wonder...

I often wonder HOW people come across The Ice Palace...well now I know!

This week's top "keyword" search...

Google: make your own dildo using stuff from home (THAT scares me!)

Google: "urine be gone" promotion code
Yahoo: is visine deadly 

Yahoo: dishwasher overflowing with soap 

Google: what does drunk dialed mean? (Gimme yer number and one night I will show ya!)
Yahoo: man whore (I'll give you his number...)

MSN Search: moving sex toys (For Movers & Shakers baby!)

Google: ball park figure humor (uh...yeah ok)

Google: ice palace vegas 

MSN Search: how much does my number plate worth
Google: "riddle me" "promo code"

Only You...

I have been having this debate for a number of years now with my "sister" Jenne. We both think Smokey Bear is awesome, and I have secret fantasies about running hand in hand in the Forest with him. However Jenne thinks his name is Smokey "THE" Bear. I think it is Smokey Bear.

I ask you...Which is correct?

Now I realize that Smokey was in fact, called both names at points of his, longer than normal for a bear, life. However, I have met not one but TWO Smokey Bears, and they both agree with me. We even grilled a ranger at the fair one time, and he pointed out we were both correct.

I have even taken this little question to the next level, and when meeting potential mates. I have found that their answer to this question is almost a sure sign of the way that relationship is going to end up. Case in point...C.G. WAS one of the two Smokey Bears...and look how that is turning out?

Most girls dream of marrying fire fighters, or big strapping policeman...I dreamt of Smokey. Perhaps my days of sitting by the phone hoping that Smokey will call me and ask me to help him prevent forest fires are over