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Music can evoke so many feelings. It can make us cry, it can make us angry, it can make us smile, and laugh. Music is such a huge part of my life. I listen to it daily. I sing daily, and sometimes I even write. Not that I think I will be an amazing song writer some day, but it's just another way to express my feelings. I can still remember what was playing the last dance of my junior high graduation, and I can't ever hear that song, and not think of that night. There will always be songs that make me think of Wild Hare, and all the times I would jump up and dance when they played The Jackson Five. The way I would feel when Eddie would play Down Stream by Supertramp will always make me smile.
Adam Lambert's new album Trespassing
has gotten me through more than a few days of pain. Well, that and wine... OK MOSTLY wine, but his album AND wine, that's good stuff! I am able to be angry, glittery, dancey, poppy, and silly, and there is no one there to say it's not OK. Because it IS OK damn it! It makes me sing loud. It makes me dance in my livingroom. It makes me blow out the speakers in my car. I can relate to the lyrics. Thank you Adam for being you, and glittery! I *heart* you! I am so excited to be seeing him in concert in just a few short weeks.
Megan Joy
...OMG her performance of "Longing" (In The Video Above) not only makes me weep, but also give me strength. I think she is just so beautiful. Maybe it's where I am in my life, but I can so relate to this song, and "Rainclouds. It's almost like she wrote this album just for me! If it were a record I would have worn it out by now.
I miss records. I miss how it would feel in your hand and the popping sound it make as you laid the needle down on it. I miss listening to a song over and over while I read all the liner notes, and gazed into the eyes of the artist on the cover. I would always imagine what it would be like to have my own album, and what I would call it. What would I wear on the cover, and would it be sad or fun? I will probably never know what that feels like, but I will always have that dream.
What are some of your favorite albums, singers, or songs? What memories do the bring back for you?
What if everything I thought I knew was all a lie? What if everything I fell in love with wasn't real? What if the person I loved never existed?
Would it make getting over him easier? Would I be able to trust anyone ever again?
Would I be able to trust MYSELF ever again?
When the only man you have ever trusted one hundred percent leaves the way he did, it tends to make you second guess everything.
It's not just my blog that is going through a makeover. It's also me. My body, my soul, my life, and the people I choose to keep in it, and the ones that I let go of for the sake of my emotional health.
I am finding out, that when you go through a breakup as devastating as mine was to me, that your life has to go through changes. It's forced change. It's hard and it's not fun. It's almost debilitating. However, it is necessary. There were days in the beginning that I didn't want to get out of bed. Now I get up every day. That's an achievement. It's a small one, but one nonetheless. There were days when I would cry uncontrollably for hours at a time. I still get sad when I think about something that we used to do together, but the days of immense sorrow are gone. I need to reflect back on where I was a few weeks ago and remember how far I have come, and also how far I need to go.
It's been a month since I decided to start this journey of change. That's when I started blogging again to go along with it. In that month I have watched my son graduate from high school, lost 11 pounds, changed my hair color, started updating my blog, and found out who the people are in my life that I can always count on. That includes new friends I have made. Some of those people don't even know how much they do to get me through a day with just some simple words on a screen. However, I am grateful.
There will be more changes. I am going to blog about losing weight. I want to be able to look back on this entry a year from now and see all the progress I have made. I am going to stay on Weight Watchers, and keep trying doing Zumba and walking on a regular basis.
Thank you to those of you who have stayed on board for this journey. It's only going to get better!
Last night my best friend Jen and I decided that the change I so drastically needed was to take place. It was time for "operation hair color change". We had tried to change it on Saturday but it wasn't red enough. My hair is a very dark brown, and when you try and go to a red you have to do it via a certain process. One shade lighter is NOT going to do it. Why didn't someone tell me before we started this?! It was lighter, and sort of red, but not what I was looking for. So back to the beauty supply we went... After 45 minutes and me asking "should this be tingling?!" I ended up with something closer to the shade I wanted. It's still dark, but in the sun, it's definitely got the red I wanted.
Just another step back to the life I used to have, and back to being me.
Today's Soundtrack: Changes ~ David Bowie
