Friday, June 21, 2013

It's A Nicki Minaj Kinda Night...

Last night JB and I decided to go to karaoke. I knew I needed "music therapy" and it was good to be out having fun, not sitting around wondering just how I got to this place in my life again where I find myself alone right before a birthday.

The night started with a crazy phone call with RFG, talking about plans for the up coming renaissance faire, and Adam Lambert concert. Of course all phone calls with RFG are crazy so that's par for the course. I think he will probably be here that weekend, and that gives me something to look forward to. I need that right now to keep me positive. While I talked on the phone JB teased my hair, and I actually thought my hair looked cute, all curled and teased... until I went out into the wind. Fail!

We get to our usual Thursday night karaoke spot, and we get signed up, say hi to some friends, and get our table. KN our DJ/KJ was surprised to see me 2 weeks in a row. I told him that I suddenly found myself single, and he didn't look surprised. He has known CS for years, and told me that when CS was dating one of KN's friends he did the same type of things to her. (I will omit the details because "private lives are private"... oh wait... NOT ANYMORE they aren't!) I told KN... "what the hell man, could you not have told me this two years ago?" He said that I always seemed happy, and he had hoped that maybe CS had mellowed out since then. Apparently, not so much. This kind of left me with this weird mixed up feeling for the rest of the night - but that's going to have to be a separate blog post.

You know when you start the night talking to a biker looking guy named LANCE about how long it's been since he and JB had seen each other... and JB starts off by saying we used to have anal sex... it's just going to be a crazy night. (Disclaimer: they never had sex as far as I know - However she did tell me she likes Lance a lot... get it Lancelot... get it? TEE HEE)

I started the night singing "You're No Good" by Linda Rondstant. I love that song a lot, and it was the mood I was in. After JB and I sang our first round of songs, the crazies attacked! First there was an overly tan gentleman with crazy blonde Harpo Marx hair that wanted to commend our singing abilities and buy us a drink. I told Jen, that I am pretty sure we were just roofied, and we would end up like "walk of shame Barbie" from the week before. Thankfully Harpo left for the night, and I didn't pass out until I got home, so I think we were safe.

Shortly after we sang our second round of songs, a really excited girl comes over to us, and tells us that she got picked out of her group to do a karoke song. Ok why are you sharing this with us? She then goes on to explain that she is terrified of being in front of people... oh and she is from Michigan. I have no idea what Michigan had to do with her singing karaoke, but we suddenly became her cheerleaders. We told her not to worry, she was going to do fine - even if she was going to sing Lady Gaga - and we would be right here to clap for her when she was done. She had more energy than a toddler filled with a pixie stix! She tried to talk Jen into singing Little Wayne, which I am pretty sure would have started a riot. When JB said she wouldn't sing that, our new friend Amanda, thought maybe Nicki Manaj would be a better choice. What the hell? Nicki Minaj can't even sing... why would you want JB to try that? I may or may not have encouraged this behavior from our new friend by naming a Nicki Minaj song. Why do I even KNOW a name of a Nicki Minaj song? Seriously!? pretty soon one of her preppy, Docker(TM) clad gentleman friends came over to our table and told us he was going to sing Vanilla Ice. He promised that he would do the splits when he sang it, and that pretty much sold me thinking of the entertainment value of that alone. JB informed him that unless he was willing to fully commit to the song by shaving stripes on the side of his head, it probably wasn't a good idea! He did it anyway later in the night, which consisted of him dancing while the DJ sang it for him.  However at the appropriate time he did yell "Detroit Avenue!"... which made the table of Michiganders go crazy! Yes, he did do the splits!  I was just happy he didn't split his pants! When Amanda did get up and sing her tribute to my life... Bad Romance ... she was great! By great, I mean entertaining. She danced around, she had fun, and she didn't even sound horrible. JB and I felt proud that our little baby bird had flown out of her nest and hit the karaoke ground running. We were great mentors... even if it was just for a minute. She was so happy she hugged us both and told us that she loved us. We are now planning our next road trip to Michigan to hang with our preppy besties. Maybe.

JB and I continued to sing song within our theme "Screw you, you psychopath, hoarder, midget".  KN asked if I wanted to sing, "You outta know" by Alanis Morissette. I told him that was cliche. So JB and I did Lady Marmalade for our new besties from Michigan instead. I didn't want to overdo the angry man hater songs TOO much, and we knew they would throw all their shoes in a circle and dance around them. (obscure Dane Cook reference)

JB had a woman come up to her and give her money... just out of the blue. She didn't even request a song, she just paid her to sing again. JB would like everyone to know she is now officially a professional singer. Just imagine if she had a band?! As we left the bar a tranny named CeCe (Although I thought she looked like Nicki Minaj) grabbed JB's hand and made her sit next to her so she could tell her that she was a music producer from Bakersfield. (All the greats come out of Bako right?!) She told JB she had a lovely voice, and wanted her to call her so they could set up some studio time. I translated that into "basement time with a large black man who looks like a woman, who may or may not want to kill you".

We were sad that "Drunk Tom" wasn't there. I'm sure he is out discovering new talent for his uncle, who works for Warner Brothers. However, I am sure JB will still be a big star with CeCe's help. TGW will still get his 10%, and I will enjoy boating with Biff and Amanda on Lake Michigan while listening to Ice Ice Baby. 

Good Times! That is just what I needed!

No comments:

Post a Comment