Thursday, December 1, 2005

You Sir, Are A Man Whore!

When you think of a Man-Whore what do you think about?

Do you think about Duece Bigalow, that sweet bumbling dorky type guy who did random strange women for money? He didn't wake up one morning and think Golly I wanna be a man whore...he literally FELL into it...

The encycolpedia of sex simply describes a man-whore as a male prostitute. A man who has sex for money. A man who sleeps with many women is looked upon as a conquerer! A gladiator of sex! Someone who is a real STUD. If someone were willing to pay that man for sex he would be revered by his friends as a virtual GOD! If a woman did this she would simply be called a slut, a tramp, a whore, and looked at like she was comman trash.

What makes a man WANT or NEED to become a man-whore? Does he fall into it by accident? Was he not hugged enough as a child? Does his need for sex overcome his morality? Would he still have sex with these same women if he wasn't being paid for it? Would he still have sex with these women as often as he is without the knowledge that the end result is a stack of $100 bills in his hand later?

Here's an interesting scenerio...a man meets a woman, he's not a man whore when he meets her(as far as she knows), but she offers him money to be her escort for an event, he takes it. whenever she waves the green stuff in front of his face, he jumps and spends time with her. Did he do it because he enjoys spending time with her, or strictly for the money? How would you know? Does HE even know anymore?

Once he taken that leap...can he ever go back to just being a normal guy? Can he love just ONE woman? What kind of man can become a man-whore...the kind that doesn't even love how can he love others?

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I Have A Gold Medal in The Sport of Extreme Drama

Have you ever had something happen to you in the past that you THOUGHT you were over...only to have it come back to haunt you a year later?

Well I have.

I was recently told by one of my friends that no one gives as much of themselves in a relationship as I do. I guess she's right. That makes it all the harder when someone that I loved takes advantage of me. Someone did that to me last year and I thought I was over it, but I guess I wasn't. It effected me enough to make me think that someone else I cared for, who is not at all like the man in my past, was doing the same things to me. That was my past sneaking up and tapping me on the shoulder saying "Hey um remember me?" I should have looked my past square in the eye and kicked it in the nuts....but I didn't. Instead I gave in to those all too human emotions and feelings and let my over worked imagination get the best of me.

So why do we and by we I mean "ME" do these types of things? They are relationship sabotage. We should trust someone unless they give a reason NOT to. Just because some guy in my past hurt me, doesn't mean ALL men are liars. Just because my friend's husband cheated on her numerous times, doesn't mean my future husband will cheat on me. My parents were blissfully happy until my father's death. He never cheated on her, or mistreated her and I am cut from the same therefore shouldn't I be able to find that same happiness? From now on I will look at my pseudo boyfriend like my mom looked at my dad. I won't look at him anymore like my ex....but instead my future.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Holiday Traditions

Do You Have A Holiday Tradition? 

As Turkey day approaches here in the U.S., I start to reflect on all of the holiday traditions my family had. Death, and age have changed a lot of the traditions we had, and it seems they weren't as important to anyone in my family as they were to me. No one seems to be concerned with passing along these memories, and moments so near and dear to me.

My children will never experience the close family feeling I did during the holidays. They will never know what an entire night of dominoes on a metal table sounds like. They will never know what it's like to roll around in bags of freshly picked cotton. They will never know what it's like to play hour after hour of Rack-O or aggravation.

Every year we ate Turkey on Thanksgiving and Ham on Christmas...Not lasagna, or cheese and salami! My mother says it doesn't matter what we eat. That's not what it's about. She is right, it's not what we eat, but that is just one more tradition that we won't have. I can't bring back the people that are gone, I can't change where everyone lives, but I can have traditional food. It's not that difficult to make a Turkey and some taters so why does my family fight me on this? Maybe I am being sentimental...Maybe I am being silly...Who cares!!

Maybe I will go out and buy some dominoes and teach my kids to play....

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

OK I am Posting Something

Since I haven't posted in a while and I am in a really weird mood, I predict this post will turn out to be some random rant about whatever happens to be going on in my life. If it doesn't make sense shut the hell up, I don't really care! Oh I hope Sergio doesn't stop reading my blog because it's filled with too much Venom! *giggle* 

My JOB Rant:
 My new boss apparently thinks I have way too much office space, since the new office they are building in the new location is as big as a bathroom. I have more forms, colored paper(why I don't know?), books, and even a fabulous word processor(HELLO!-- Have you never heard of a computer?!) to now shove all in one office, that used to all be in two offices. I USED to have this office to myself and could pretty much do what I wanted, and organize it the way I wanted...Now Larry the moving consultant "Hangs out" in here Tuesdays and Thursdays. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy, very nice and is the only one that has helped me with learning all the new stuff I needed to learn, but O.M.G. get OUT!! He takes up a lot of space with all of his crap, and now he is telling me he wants to move in a bigger desk, and his computer from the home office! WHAT?! NO! That means he would be here ALL the time, and that would take up more of the space I need! GAH! The crew actually has to do things the right way from now on, and they can't handle it. They are completely retarded. When you leave your car, and you go into your house at night you lock your car, right!?! So then...Why is it so damn hard for these dumb guys to understand all they have to do is lock the truck when they get out of it at night? I check all the trucks when I leave for the night, that's NOT my job, but I do it so that they don't get in trouble. When I tell them they f'ed up the next morning they have the balls to yell at me! I have started charging them $1.00 per lock for every lock I have to lock at night. If they don't like it, too bad go work digging ditches, that's better suited for you. I have only made $1.00 so far, but I figure by the end of the year I will have enough to buy Jen a fabulous new pair of shoes for Christmas, or a cup of coffee at Starbucks...I haven't decided yet. 

My Love Life, or the lack of:

CTG, The Counter Top Guy turned out to be a flake. He may be reading this, but at this point I really don't care. We never did get a chance to meet since he always had an excuse why he couldn't meet me. Then he just stopped talking to me. I sent him an e-mail asking him to just tell me if he wasn't interested...cause DUH that's the courteous thing to do people!!!!!!!....and he never answered, so he goes into "The Pink Book" as CTG AKA Wussy.

CG has been around a lot more, but lately *I* have been the one not being able to see him. I passed up about 4 opportunities to see him this week alone because I valued my sleep, and didn't answer the phone when he called. I didn't hear the phone, over my snoring...But still...I feel bad. It's not like he wants to have a relationship with anything but a train right now anyway, so sleep has a higher rank than he does. If I don't have a real date soon, I am going to have to call "Woody" or "Randy The Wrestler". What am I saying? I would never date a man with a bad forward...cause it's not really a comb OVER. Although he is super sweet and would prolly worship the ground I walk on, cause he is always sending me these e-mails telling me how great my feet are, and weird creepy things like that. Hmmm....Speaking of weird things, what happened to "Armored Car Guy?" He hasn't called in a while...Maybe he gave up. Figures...

If you haven't donated to The Red Cross for Hurricane Katrina Victims yet, why not? Why are you so damn selfish? MY SON is 10 and gave me his money to help my friends Tisha & David when they had nothing...what have YOU done to help someone today?

OK so on another creepy note my EX boss came in today and told me that I looked really hot today, and that I should do my hair like this every day....what the crap?....ok so I look hot and of course no one is around to see this masterpiece of hairdom, except the ex boss, a random salesman, and the morons I work with...*bangs head on desk*

Friday, September 9, 2005


So....I haven't blogged in a week, That's we are with today's installment of
Full Frontal Friday!

Friday, September 2, 2005


Today's Full Frontal Friday comes to us straight from Yellow Stone National Park!
I realize our guest today is sporting a hat, but it somehow just works! If you don't know what F.F.F 

Please don't forget to help victims of Hurricane Katrina

Thursday, September 1, 2005

We shall call him...

Ok so I feel really bad talking about totally trivial stuff in my life like boys, road rage, and my job when there are so many people who would swim down Bourbon street to have what I have right now....But I'm gonna cause I think Tisha would rather read about my crazy life, than think about her drama, even if it's for just a minute! (I hope)

So I have been talking to a new guy. We shall call him "Counter Top Guy" since that's what he does. He seems really mature, nice, and laughs at my jokes. I haven't scared him off yet with my stories of my crazy job, being a karaoke princezz, and my weird sense of humor, so maybe I will actually meet this one! We were spose to meet two weeks ago, but I canceled when I got sick. We have been talking about getting together this weekend, and I am excited about it.

 I am all giddy, thinking about what I will wear etc. Hmmmm...cute and sweet or vampy? I dunno... CG is back from Salt Lake City, and actually came to see me last night. I gave him his graduation present(for becoming a full fledged train engineer), and we watched a little TV. (OMG---Get your mind out of the gutter! I didn't get freaky with him!!!!) It got late so he left so I could get some sleep. It was really NICE to see him. I hadn't seen him in so long I had forgotten how cute he is! It's too bad CG is "too busy" to actually have an adult relationship...

Please Help the victims of Hurricane Katrina by clicking HERE

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

My Heart Is Broken

Update: I just heard from Tisha. Her father traveled down to Pascagoula where she lives, to see if her home survived, and sadly it didn't. It was a complete loss. Her home was under water. This is the second time that she has lost everything due to a hurricane. You may think why doesn't she leave that's her home. It's where her whole life was...until a few days ago. Tisha her husband, and her two small kids lost everything, their home, their jobs, a car, toys, furniture, all of their photos and possibly a family pet...just everything! Her mother, and step father also lost their home...Please donate to The Red Cross, these people need help!!

My Heart belongs in the south. I have been lucky enough to have been able to travel to the south twice now. More specifically the Mississippi gulf coast, to spend time with my "southern family". Both times I realized that my heart belongs in the south. I love everything about it....Except the weather. I love the people and their way of life, their culture, their food, and their strength. So to see hurricane Katrina devastate "my second home" breaks my heart. It's really hard to look at the stories on the T.V. and know that I stood right there one time. Bourbon street, The Beau Rivage...

My friend Tisha and her family evacuated to Jackson Mississippi, and thank God they are doing ok, but they are not sure they will have a home to come back to in Pascagoula, Miss. They are just one family effected by this terrible tragedy. How about the people trapped in New Orleans (Nawlins)? How about the people that watched as their family members floated away? How about the babies, elderly, and all the displaced animals? 

Make a difference and donate to the Red Cross or Salvation Army.
Hug your family a little tighter tonight.

To The people of the gulf coast, my prayers are with you tonight!

Monday, August 29, 2005

"Shirtless Guy"

I have a stalker. Ok so he isn't really stalking me, but he COULD! I live in a very small apartment complex, a total of 12 units. I have lived there for a few years now so I have seen a lot of people come and go. There was one guy who we called shirtless guy because it never failed he would almost ALWAYS be without a shirt when he was out side. I never really talked to him while he lived there but one time when he forced me to use some of his glass cleaner while detailing my car one afternoon. Other than that, nothing, until he moved out. When he left he gave me a plant that was half dead. Then one day last weekend he walks into to Jen B's store, where she is working. He recognizes her, and asks her if she is my sister. After they get that all straightened out she blurts out "OH! You are Shirtless Guy!" (He had no idea we called him that) They talk a few minutes, he gets a video (YUCK!) and he leaves. A few hours later SG calls Jen's work and starts asking her if I am single and interested in dating him, yadda yadda yadda. She of course tells him I am single even though she knows I have a huge crush on "CG". That's the end of it. She doesn't hear from him again or anything, and he doesn't ask for my number or anything like that, so we just laugh about it.

I was so sick this last week that I didn't even think about it again...Until yesterday. Jen told me that he called the store again yesterday. (OK That's not such a big deal except that he moved to another STATE!) He asked Jen if she had told me that he liked me and what I thought. She told him I had been too sick to even think about it. She thought that would get rid of him but then he proceeded to talk to her for another 30 minutes after that. He did mention to her he was going to be in town next weekend. Maybe I will leave town next weekend since he knows where I live!

Friday, August 26, 2005


Today's entry for F.F.F. comes to us straight from Foster Farms. 
This is Henny PennyStatsAge:23Measurements: 4 x 6 x 4Best Feature: My Breast Meat

In Her Own WordsTurn Ons: Cocks with lots of feathers, & long walks around the farmTurn Offs: Rude hens, & crowded hen housesAspirations: ActingIf Henny Penny could do one thing it would be: I would love to have a brood of chicks some day.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Did Someone Get That Plate Number?

UPDATE: I crawled into work today because If I didn't take care of things, than really who would? I am now going to go find a doctor...this is crazy...I haven't felt this bad ever. My mom says I should go to the hospital...maybe I will. Take care bloggers!

I feel like I have been run over by a truck. I was in bed all weekend with some kind of creepy flu, that I now believe has turned into some kind of sinus infection. I am sitting here at work, in a daze from all the drugs I am on, and answering the phone like a 5 year old with the sniffles. I hate it. Why am I here? I need to be at home, in misery in the comfort of my air conditioned apartment. With toilet paper that feels like flower pettles instead of the sand paper here at the office. My nose and eyes are all red and swollen. The dedication I have for my job knows no bounds!

OK I am sick, I may be dying of some crazy take pity on me and at least vote for my blog today please.

Friday, August 19, 2005



Notice the strategically placed Cookie Jar? Huh HUH?! *wink*

Today's post is honor of FFF!!!! What?! How can you not know what FFF Is? It's the only thing that gets me through my Friday's! Actually my Friday's should be called HOF (Hang Over Fridays), as we almost always go out on Thursday night.

OK so since you don't know what FFF is....go HERE....check it out, but make sure you come back! I will miss you, and cry....a lot if you don't come!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Professor Garden

As most of my Blog-A-Fans know I work for a moving company. In my day to day routine I encounter a few weirdos. My former boss J. Boss refers to them as freaks. Now "Professor Garden" as I will call him, is one of my more interesting shippers. He's not even moving with my company, so I am not sure why I have to endure his bad jokes, except that he is moving with our sister company and gets a discount on cartons here. Lucky ME!

My hours are 8:00 to 5:00, but I come in a lot earlier than that so I try and leave a little bit early in order to avoid the retarded people on the road, on the way home. This is fine unless of course some guy who is nearly dead, lonely and wants to tell me his entire life story comes in expecting me to provide quality customer service and run out into the warehouse and fetch him 24 boxes of various sizes. In his defense he did call ahead, so I was able to have them ready for him when he came in. That usually saves me from having to talk to people too long. This time, it didn't. He came in and loaded up his car with boxes, gave me a credit card, and should have been ready to go...But he sat down. I have learned that when they sit down they are either going to have a heart attack and die, OR worse. They are going to talk to me about their move, why they are moving, what they did for a living before they retired, or how much they got for selling their house to some poor unsuspecting valley person. None of which, by the way, do I care about.

I looked at the clock, it said 4:30. This is only getting worse as he talks about how he used to be an agriculture professor, and has been all over the world.
(Thoughts In My Head: OK! That's swell, now GET OUT Get OUT Get OUT!)
He starts listing the countries he has been to, slowly.
(Thoughts In My Head: OH MY GOSH! GET OUT!) Then he decides I need to know all about aquaculture...Where you grow crops in rows and raise fish in the rows between... (and NO mom I STILL don't know where the water comes from!)

He also taught me how to grow tomatoes in and old tire. As facinating as that sounds....NOT! In the hopes that it would get him to leave I told him I would try that. I keep looking at the clock, he keeps talking...This goes on for another 20 minutes. He finally leaves, but I can't lock up and leave because he is sitting in his car out front, and that would look bad. So I continue to wish him away. It doesn't work. He sat there for another 15 minutes, doing what I don't know. I don't wanna know. I just wanted him to leave. ARGH! I drive home thankful I won't have to see him again...I was wrong of course.

He came back this morning, to buy more boxes. Yes, folks he actually asked me if I had started my tire garden yet. I told him that perhaps this weekend I would try that.
(Thoughts In My Head: Cause I know where to get an old tire? Or even want to? I have soil, that works fine thanks.)
He actually gave me his address so I could send him veggies when I grew them. YEAH RIGHT! I told him I knew his new address since we were moving him there. I think that scared him, and he got his boxes and left. YAY!

Helpful Hint: If it's near closing time, don't go into a business and tell the people helping you your life story, cause I would bet a dollar they don't give a shit!

Monday, August 15, 2005

I'm Under Attack

So Jen B. Said I needed to post something new. I was sitting here thinking what could I post that would offend the most people all at once, when my office windows are suddenly covered in hot pink paint splotches. Wow, how did they know that's my favorite color?

I just stared out my newly polka-dotted windows thinking "Was that Bekins?" (Bekins is the OTHER moving company in town, and they are not above something like this) When one of my movers I like to call "Thuggy" (Mainly because he just got out of jail and looks like a thug) drove up, walked in and started talking to me like nothing was different. I said "Don't you notice the windows?" He turned around and said "Wow who paint balled you?" He's a genius I tell ya! He left because he didn't think his truck would look good covered in paint.

So as I go out to clean the window off... Because really who else would do it? I hear "pop! pop! Pop!" from behind me. I looked around and saw no one, but noticed that now the giant pillars out front were hot pink polka-dotted too! I decided to forego the cleaning, for fear of being hit with a paintball from some rogue assailant in the brush across the street from me. So I screamed like a girl (cause well...I am one) and ran into my office. I called the police, over an hour ago, and they still haven't shown up. I am sure they thought I was crazy when I told the dispatcher I was under attack.

Dispatcher: Paso Robles Police dispatch blah blah

Debi: I am under attack.

Dispatcher: Um excuse me?

Debi: I work for *insert name of moronic moving company here* and I am being paint balled with hot pink paint.

Dispatcher: Do you have a suspect description?

Debi: Do I need one to have you come out? *sigh* Well I think it's across the street in the residential area.

Dispatcher: I will send someone over to you right away.

Maybe in Police terms, "right away" means "when I feel like it". I know what house it is now, because I watched out the window and saw them aiming at me, so I am not worried about the "perps" running away. I just don't understand why it takes 3 cops to come tell us that the people in these SAME houses don't like where are big moving trucks are parked, and I can't even get one out here to save myself from certain paintball damage. Had they hit my car which is parked in front...and frankly they must be a terrible shot to have missed it...I would have gone over and driven the forklift into their back fence, while screaming something crazy like "This Is For Scoopy The Clown!!!!"
Something fun always happens on Mondays!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

New Bosses Are...

Well J. Boss is finally selling the moving company. That is a no GREAT Thing!

He had someone in here before me that turned this company into a money pit. When that happened I think it just defeated J. Boss, and he hasn't REALLY been a boss around here. I have had to do everything on my own. With no moving company experience, that is a lot of stress. but it got better. 

Now that he is selling the place I will have a new boss. We shall call him K. Boss. K Boss knows what he is doing, and is a hands on kind of guy, so this should be interesting. So far things have been going well, but I haven't had much time to come up with creative blog posts. So I have yet another fun quiz for you! 

Jen B. and I will be going out this weekend, (That starts tonight) so I am sure we will have something blogworthy soon enough! Until then....


OK why is it that the cutest guys all come in when I am having a sweaty hair day? It's like 103 degrees here today, I don't care what my stupid weather pixie says. She is clearly standing in the shade with a fan on her or something, cause it's FREAKIN' HOT! The air conditioning at this office is either broken, or it just can't handle the heat that is pouring into the office through the ginormous floor to ceiling windows! So...I look like a drowned rat. I have my usually long straight hair piled on top of my head in a sort of beehive with little wisps of hair falling out of it, drenched in sweat. I tell ya...I'm hot looking FO sure! 

So then in comes the water guy. He starts up a conversation with me about moving, and how it's too expensive blah blah blah. I want him to just go away cause I am hot and miserable, and I have oodles of work to do, but I flirt...Of course to no avail. I got a call on my cell phone so he left. 

The phone call is CG. Well, at least he can't see me! We talk briefly about the test he just took, make a bet on his test scores, and he promises to call me later. I am really enjoying CG's phone calls lately. He doesn't mention TR*Y as much! YAY! Then just when I thought I was safe, I kick my shoes off and put my feet up on the desk. UPDATE: I lost the bet with CG....Dammit I hate it when I am wrong!

I was just getting comfy to go harass 

I was just getting comfy to go harass Anti-Blogger when the Hot guy I used to work with walked in. He came in just to say hi and chat with me! *swoon*. You see when "Hot Guy" is around I can't form complete sentences. He is so hot, just ask Jen B.! He has the prettiest eyes, and that smile OMG....I just melt when he looks at me...But *I* look like a drowned rat....Nice! It wouldn't matter if I looked like I was about to go out and sing. I am not his type, and I know that...But it's fun to drool over him. I'm just glad CG is in Salt Lake City today and can't randomly show up on days like today!

Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Road Shoes

I have discussed this at great lengths with my friend Jen B. and want to know what's going on with "Road Shoes"? Well, that's what I call them anyway... 

Have you ever been driving down the road, and on the side of the highway there is ONE shoe on the side of the road? We see that ALL the time. I understand seeing road-kill, various forms of furniture, or even a pair of shoes. I just don't understand how ONE got there. It's not just one kind of shoe either. We have seen work boots, sandals, running shoes, dress shoes...and there is always JUST one shoe.

So how does this happen? I have a few theories. 

You are a one legged man/woman, and you bought this new pair of shoes. You know you don't need the other one so you just throw it out the window? 

You have road rage like me, and the guy in front of you won't get over so you take off one of your shoes and throw it out the window at his car? 

Your friend gets mad at you, grabs your shoe and throws it out the window? 

You are hanging your foot out the window while riding in your friend's car, and you shoe falls off?

Or maybe there is a shoe fairy sprinkling random shoes along the side of the road just so I would have something to blog about...I dunno. 

I think I am going to take pictures of these shoes, and create a coffee table book called "Road Shoes" What do you think?

Friday, August 5, 2005

Things That will NOT be posted at The Palace

I guess I have to clarify for some of you out there in blogland what my blog is, and what it will never be.

My blog is what I feel like writing. It started out to be a silly little journal of all the crazy stuff that happens in my life, the stuff that happens to me, and my friends and stories about all the crazy guyz I have either dated, or in the process of dating. I don't share every detail of my faith, my personal life, my kids lives, or my friends lives. (Although I think Jen B is a heathen and should be killed---ok SHE will laugh at that) If you don't agree with what I do in my life, the way I write, or the topic of my post that day. I don't need to know about it, just don't vote for me, or come visit The Ice Palace. If you wanna ask me something, or tell me something personal E-MAIL ME
I am not going to debate people here. I am not going to defend my life. I only have to answer to God.

I will not talk about my kids on this blog, because their lives are personal. My daughter writes selectively about her self (rather well too!) on HER BLOG, "Have you seen my ball". Other than that they are a "private topic".

I will not talk about religion, or politics either, because that just causes debates that NO ONE wins.

I'm not going to censor my comments from other users unless they are just WAY over the top.

I will step down off my soap box now...

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Girls Night Out

First of all I know Charlie will HATE the pic I posted to go with my story...but I thought it was funny! You are such a hottie! (Am I forgiven?) 

Yes I went BACK to the fair. CG said he thinks I have a fair obsession. I don't. I just like going with a different group of friends, and then each time it's a different experience. OK Maybe I do. Last night I got invited to "girls night out". My mom's roomie we will call Donna is a lot of fun. She is the kind of girl that after a couple of drinks (That she has smuggled into the fair) she says the things to people you WANT to say but aren't brave enough. She is also perpetually late. I have a huge problem with people who are always tardy, but because I know this about her and I don't hang out with her all that often I just accept it. Basically if she says she is going to be someone at 7:00pm I just don't go until 7:30 and it all works out.

Last night we were supose to meet at 7:30 and it ended up 8:00. See how that works? When we finally met up she was there with 3 other gals. I had met one of them before, and one of them (Krystal) I worked with at The Grid, so it was a good group. 
Toby Keith was playing last night so the fair was PACKED with hot guys. We started drinking at the "Watering Hole" and then moseyed our way down towards the grandstand to try and catch a glimpse of Toby. While we were standing near an entrance to try and get a glimpse of Toby through the gate, some random guy comes up to our group and this is what transpired... 

Random Guy(I think he said he was Jeff): Hi Ladies. Do you remember me? (Looking at me) Debi: Should we? RG: Don't you sing? Debi: Uh....well yes... RG: At The Marriage Breaker? In Los Osos? I know it's you! Debi: UH yeah I sing there, but not very often... RG: Yeah I saw you one night, came back the next weekend to talk to you, but you weren't there. You are the best singer there. Debi: Oh Lookie my cup is empty! RG: So do you live there? Debi: No I live in Atascadero, and u? RG: Fresno Debi: Wow, you come all the way over here to hear me sing? (Laughing & looking in my empty cup) RG: I was gonna ask you out, but I didn't see you again Debi: (walking to the bar) Oh I don't go there very often. It's a dive. He ended up buying me a drink then I walked away. He seemed a little too stalkerific for me. I am used to doing the stalking. 

I don't know who decided it would be a good idea to try and bribe the security guards at the gate to get in but we did. With what else? Our boobs! The first guy said he couldn't do it, but sure did wanna look. I mean what is the worst that could happen he looses his awesome 2 week gig at the fair? There goes his carreer! Like the fair security cam will show him letting us is? So we decided maybe there was a way to get through from the men's bathroom. I have no idea WHY they thought that would work, maybe they just wanted to watch guys pee? So Krystal walked in on some hot guy peeing. He was so thrilled to see a chick in there when he came out he stood right in front of us and through his keys on the ground. Bent over and S L O W L Y picked them up making sure to show off his hiney. Of course we all screamed with delight, even if he was wearing some kind of pants from Gilligan's Island and Ug boots. When that didn't work we decided to move on to try and get up to the VIP area. We had the guy at the bottom of the stairs convinced but he said we would still have to get past the gigantic lesbian at the top of the stairs. We took one look at her and moved to our last gate. The security guard that was there is the same one I always see at every concert I go to. He hates me. I have trampled him a couple of times to try and get pictures. I told the crew just give up, but somehow Krystal got in. We slithered in with her and watched the rest of the concert from the back gate. It was pretty good since it was free.

Donna knows the gal that runs the wine bar at the fair so of course we had to make an appearence there too. That was ok because there was a super cute guy working the bar named Craig. I asked him if I through my keys over the bar, would he bend over slowly and pick them up? He said Maybe and grinned at me....Random thought: OH MY he's yummy! I took my keys out and Donna through them into the bar area while screaming "Oh ooopsie look what happened!" Some dumb girl kept picking them up and handing them to me even though we kept telling her no no no....she ruined all our fun with craig. I did however get some mardi-gras wine beads from him before I left. I know he wanted me... It was a work night so Donna, Krystal & I made our way to the bus, while the other two gals stayed to play some more. Of course I can't just get on the shuttle bus and go to my car. This time some little asian lady sat next to me. That's ok, until she started asking me if I liked the fair, if I went to the concert, if I was married etc...WHY? Did I look like I wanted to talk to her? I was looking out the DAMN window....Here's your sign! 

I think this will be my final fair story this year. 

Do you have a favorite story of a concert/carnival/fair you went to?

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Friday Night Fair Fun

Ok OK, I know it's NOT Friday night, but pretend ok? Ryan complained that I didn't post about the NEXT night at the fair, so here we go... 

Jen B. and I had it all planned out. She would take the night off for the Berlin concert and we would go and have a swell time making fun of carnies, and I would of course drink too many blinky fruity drinks. I love making plans. When ever we go somewhere I make plans. Even if it's a shopping trip to the mall. *I* Plan it. That's just who I am. I can be spontaneous, but I always think things will go better if I plan...I am 75% of the time wrong. This was one of those times. 

I left work early to go home take a nap, paint my nails, do laundry, and whatever else you do before the fair. I hadn't eaten anything because I was going to grab something on the way home. I am driving down the road, trying to get away from all of the bad drivers when my car suddenly starts to pull to the left. I had my radio up so I didn't hear the thumpity thump of the flat tire. I turned my radio down and NEW. OK I can do this...I pulled over to the side of the road, and yep it was flat. I called my mom's shop (she happens to run a towing service) and told her I had a flat. She responded with "Call a tow truck" I sat there for about 10 seconds thinking, did I hear her correctly? "I thought I did mom!" I explained to her where I was and waited for the next available driver to come and rescue me from the sweltering car I was sitting in. (It was only 100 degrees that day!) When the driver finally did arrive he loaded up my car, and jumped back in the cab of the truck. I thought we were on our way until he looked at me and said we are stuck here for a while. I thought wow...What did I do to deserve this? Somehow he had lost his "J" hooks. Now I have no idea what that means, but it's a bad thing, and means I'm not going to get my nap. That made me cranky. Here I was sitting in the cab of a tow truck, hungry, tired and hot. To make matters worse the driver (who by the way is a super nice guy) thought his jokes were funny. They may have been, had I not been all pissy. We finally get his "J" hooks, and get back to the shop, I get my new tires and go home. (4 hours later!) I have just enough time to race through the shower and find something to wear since I didn't get to do laundry. 

I picked up Jen B. and we headed off to the fair finally. Again we took the shuttle bus to the fairgrounds. The ride there wasn't as bad as when Ryan and I went so I was relieved. We made our way to the blinky drink place where I ended up getting the same concoction as the night before. I figured since I wasn't eating funnel cake I should be ok. We ended up walking around the carnival area just to mess with carnies. I thought I saw my ex boyfriend Ken. Jen B. Wanted to yell out "Hey Ken" but I convinced her not to. If this was Ken, why didn't he say hi? This must not have been Ken...and he must have a twin. Yes that's exactly what it was...There is no reasonable explanation otherwise. Yeah so...We ended up getting out of that area without messing with any carnies this year. I do believe Jen B. Said something about them smelling like cabbage though. You'll have to read her blog to find out! I don't remember... 

We ran into some friends of ours there and decided we would all sit together for the concert. Jason wanted to sit on the end so he could rush the stage when they came out, so I let him. Berlin was awesome. They sounded great, and Terri Nunn looked really good. At one point she came out into the audience and Jason kissed her boots. It was a little over the top, but that's Jason. The real highlight is when he got to dance on stage with her. I would have gone too but I didn't want to get trampled in the stampede of people that ran up there. Standing right there by the stage was plenty close for me. When the show was over I decided since the drummer was signing autographs we needed a CD to sign. I threw money at Jen B. and had her shove her way into the line to get a CD. She raced in and back just in time to get it signed. YAY! 

As we walked around one last time, dodging puddles of vomit, we decided it was time to head home. We missed the first bus back to the car, which put us first in line for the next bus. Some people tried to cut in front of us, but the security guard let us on first like we were V. I. P.'s or something. (She must have seen my model walk) Jen B. Thought she was a lesbian and wanted us....Could have been true I dunno. After the bus was all filled up, the driver tries to start the bus. It doesn't work. This makes me nervous for several reasons. 

1. This bus is really hot, and I am already sweating. 

2. The guy behind us is rambling on about how he thinks he's going to be a pro boxer some day. 

3. The country music on the bus driver's radio is blaring. 

4. I REALLY wanted to get home in time to see "CG" since he was in town. 

every time the bus driver would attempt to start the bus, and it wouldn't start she thought it would be a good idea (and for the life of me I do NOT understand why) to sing "I'm a Honkey Tonk Man" OK first OF all she is not a man, nor is this a honkey tonk...SHUT THE HELL UP! When she finally got the bus started it seemed that the radio got louder. There just happened to be a freakin speaker right next to my ear! OH lucky me! I had a look on my face, according to Jen, like I was gonna kill the bus driver. I did in fact entertain these thoughts. I did contemplate getting off at the first stop and trying to catch another one. We really should have I thought it couldn't get worse....She starts telling JOKES! Not just jokes but NOT SO FUNNY jokes. One of which was not appropriate for the children that she had on her bus. We were, of course, the last stop on the bus ride back. That meant I had to endure this torture longer than anyone else. When we finally escaped or closet comedian bus driver's clutches it felt like hours later. 

I dropped of Jen B. and headed home. I called CG, but he didn't answer his phone. So I went to bed. Oh well at least the concert was great!

Monday, August 1, 2005

Joining The Gym

Why not? Why NOT join the gym down the block from where I work? Joe, the owner came in to grab a few boxes from us today. He introduced himself and I told him I knew who he was. He said "How do you know who I am?" I told him his massive arms gave him away. (Oh yeah and I see him everyday...DUH!) He told me if I joined his gym he would personally train me. I don't want to have massive body builder arms like him, cause that's just not very dainty. However, he is hot! I could really get into having a hot Italian guy sweating all over I mean be my personal trainer. So maybe after work today I'll go check it out. Oh and did I mention the cute guy that used to work for me just HAPPENS to work out there? hmmmm this could get interesting!

Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Ice Palace Gets A Make Over!

Thanks to the AWESOME crew at Elegant Webscapes!
The Ice Palace has had a make over!
Thanks so much Lisa, it's exactly what I wanted!

Friday, July 29, 2005

My Head Hurts...

Last night I decided it would be a swell idea to go to our local fair. I called up my friend Ryan. The one that got fired from The Grid for talking to some girl on the phone. (he would like me to point out he did a LOT more than that to get fired) I told him what fun we would have and he decided to go. He met me at my house and I drove to the fair. On the way to the fair we played with my new satellite radio in my car. It went from 80's music to reggae, to dance rave type music, to show tunes  When we got to the show tunes we started talking about what shows we had seen lately, and he mentioned that he had seen Phantom, and it was awesome. That's great. I am truly happy for you Ryan, but WHY OH WHY did you feel the need to tell me all about your glitter fantasy? Ryan apparently only has one fantasy involving a woman dressed as a fairy wearing so much glitter that he will find it in his bed for the next three weeks. Oh and he SWEARS he's not gay...Yeah ok whatever! While on our way to the fair we almost rear-ended a Volvo driving old hag that apparently had to look at the car pulled over on the side of the road. Ryan was screaming "I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place" I am guessing that place involved glittered fairies. The fair provides shuttle service to the fair if you park miles away. That bus ride to the fair is always a prelude to the freakshow we are about to endure. There was one couple who apparently didn't get the "how to dress for the fair" manual. She had on high heel sandals and a mini skirt.....I dunno maybe she was really a prostitute trying to get downtown for free....But heels at the fair? Ok so for all of you out there in blog land that don't know what to wear to the fair I have prepared this quick easy to follow guide. 

1.You are going to do a lot of walking (or "model walking" if you are me) so wear comfortable shoes! No heels! Besides you are going to get all drunk and stab a cow pie with that heel and walk all over looking really foolish. Do you really want that? 

2. No hats that either make you look like you are going to rob a 7-11 store, cowboy hats that you can smuggle a midget under, or WWII helmets. Please for the love of GOD do not buy one of those airbrushed trucker hats that say "Babygirl" and then proceed to wear it off to the side. You look ridiculous. 

3. If you are in fact over 200lbs, DO NOT wear a babydoll camisole blouse, with your belly hanging out. I mean if you are "fluffy" and you love the way you look that it awesome, but I don't wanna see your "Pillsbury dough boy" impression. 

4. If you are wearing a fanny pack of any kind you should be shot on site! If you are wearing it to the front it is STILL a fanny pack, STOP IT! 

5.. If you are a man please do not pull your pants up so high that they are directly under your ginormous man boobs, not pointy toed boots, no neckerchiefs (you are not at boy scout camp), no airbrushed wife-beaters, and OMG lose the trucker hat you freako Ashton wannabe! Oh and if your pants are falling off yer butt, please pull them up cause I don't wanna see your hairy butt crack while I am trying to watch a concert. Thanks! 

Ok now back to my trip to the fair... So we get there and I end up getting something fruity in a blinky cup. The gal at the booth insisted I turn my cup on to blink some seizure inducing light show. I wasn't thrilled with that so I told her I was epileptic and she should feel bad. She looked all shocked at me, and walked away. In the mean time Ryan made a friend at the beer booth. The girl asked him " Do you keep coming over here cause you like us?" Of course Ryan was just after the beer....But he was polite and said "uh yeah sure" She was not convinced. You know he didn't go back after that. I think she scared him away. We walked around the fair while I drank 2 more of those fruity concoctions. They seemed so refreshing and innocent at the time! Damn you fruity drinks! Ryan decided we needed to eat something, so I opted for a hot dog on a stick (drunk fair food YAY!) and he ate a bratwurst. I vaguely remember calling "CG" and telling him I was at the fair. Why I did this I had no idea...I remember him asking me if I was drunk and I said "I think so" All I remember was CG saying "It's still daylight outside!"....Is there some rule that I can only be drunk from fruity fair drinks AFTER dark? I didn't get that memo...Oh well. Ryan and I made our way to the Smashmouth concert. I'm not a huge fan or anything in fact before last night if you had ask me to name their songs I couldn't have without hearing it first. Well I STILL can't really except the Happy Days song. Now I had no idea WHY we were going except that it was free. We got some seats fairly close to the front of the stage, and sat down. Of course at that very moment I had to use the ladies room. So I left Ryan there talking to some strange man while I went to go find the nearest bathroom. Well that happened to be by the fruity blinky drinky place, so I got a "refill". On the way back I noticed I was walking like one of those run way models. You know the kind that walk like horses clomping down one foot in front of the other. Apparently I thought it was a good idea. I am sure someone, somewhere is blogging about this and explaining it is in fact, NOT a good idea. I finally found Ryan again through the sea of teen agers I had to wade through to get back to my seat. I told him about my fabulous new walk, but he seemed unimpressed. So there we sat in our great seats waiting for the show to start, thinking we had a primo spot for ...Who is it we are here for again?...That was all fine and dandy until they came on stage. Then a gang of 17 year old boys, an overweight father of two young girls, (who by the way thought it was a good idea to hold his 2 year old daughter in front of the speaker while pumping her arm in the air while she sobbed) a clearly retarded man, a couple of butch looking women, and two girls in trucker hats rushed the stage in front of us. It's a good thing no one made me spill my fruity concoction of booze or I woulda had to sit there and do nothing because dammit I was scared. I looked at Ryan and said why are we here? He said "I dunno, I hear there are funnel cakes here" Some clown behind me kept screaming "Do All-Star!" to the band. The people in front of me would turn around and look at this guy like they were going to revolt and attack him at any moment. I thought it would be a good idea instead to shout out "DO THE SHREK SONG!" Bad plan! We stayed for two or maybe three songs because they all sounded the same to me. There was one about "Fonzi" from "Happy Days", I am sure of it. They did the shrek song, that made me happy, and then it was time to go. Ryan wanted a funnel cake. Normally this would have been a great idea. However, after my 3 fruity blinky drinks it was in fact a bad idea. If you ever think about doing it...Just don't. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad, except on the shuttle bus ride back to the car the lady in front of us closed the window, and proceeded to fart. It smelled like an entire zoo crawled up in her and died. It was all I could do not to throw up in her hair. I just kept thinking of Patsy and her throw up in her hands story, and how I didn't want one of my own and we finally made it to the car. We went back to my house, where I promptly passed out from too many fruity blinky drinks, and lack of sleep. Jen B. and I will be going back tonight to attend the Berlin concert, so I should have even more stories tomorrow! Hopefully they will not involve any glitter or model walking!

I am going to go lay down on my desk now...

Thursday, July 28, 2005

So I have a crush on The Water Boy

So my office gets bottled water...I dunno why. No one drinks it. I am the only one in the office and unless it suddenly becomes caffeinated I am not drinking it. That and the water tank that it dispenses from looks like it was shoved up someone's butt and yanked back out it is so funky gross.

Yet, every other week Mike comes to see me. I think he really comes to drop off new bottles of water(cause the other ones have gathered dust) for the office, but let me have my moment 'K? Today sat down right in front of me and looked at me like he was actually going to have a conversation with me. When I figured out how to speak, I asked him what he needed. Secretly I was hoping he would say "Only you, my Goddess of moving!" Sadly he said "A quote to move out of state". Not only is my water boy, who looks really good in those little blue shorts, going to be moving away from me. He is also going out of state? WHO will bring me water I never drink? What if the new guy is mean and yells at me for not drinking the water? What if the new guy doesn't give us free cups? (That we never use...But STILL...They are FREE!) more importantly...How will I live without my visits from Mike the water boy? Did I mention he has nice teeth?


Call Center Princezz

One upon a time *I* was a Call Center Princezz... When I first moved back to the area I live in now (I grew up here) I needed internet access because I had an addiction to on line porn...Ok not really but it sounded good. I needed internet fast, and there was a local company in town called "The Grid". My mom had given me a CD, and said all you have to do is put this in your PC and you have access. Well I called them, got myself one of those fancy DIAL-UP accounts. SHUT UP! This was a long time ago...and started to get connected with this "super disk". Well it ended up jacking up my already crappy computer, so I was forced to call their tech support number. I hated that since I thought I was quite the computer geek. I got connected to a very nice man named Chris (we shall call him Fruit Smoothie) who ended up getting me connected finally, and helping me fix my computer issues even though he wasn't suppose to. He said he was impressed with a girl who could "speak geek", and told me to e-mail him just to make sure my internet was working. OF COURSE he was hitting on me, but I didn't care cause I was new in town and didn't have a boyfriend. So I did and we started talking all the time. We ended up going on a few dates. He knew I needed a job and encouraged me to apply there where he worked. I did and much to my delight I was hired on as a customer service rep. That was ok until I found out that "Fruit Smoothie" liked to visit porn shop arcades A LOT. I mean that I can get over but the fact that his ex wife went on a date with us one time was TOO much (ok so I had invited an old high school friend for potential dating purposes---but STILL).

The Grid was an eclectic mix of college students, nerds, and losers. It was the most fun I had ever had at a job. I got to talk on the phone, play on high speed internet, and eat all day long. It was like getting paid to sit and do what I wanted to do at home. The day crew consisted of my supervisor L. She was a bitter lesbian, who liked to go out to Sushi a lot. I really liked working for her, but I think she wanted me. Then there was my cube-mate Chad. He was great, but thought I wanted him from my first day...Hello...You are gay...Um NO! We ended up pissing everyone in our office off with our garish Christmas decorations, complete with a live tree. Somehow we did NOT care. He ended up becoming my roommate instead. There was Fusco, who was our Web Hosting guru. He was really nerdy, and totally cocky...We all made fun of him behind his back because he lived with his mom and lived off Top Ramen noodles...Ok to his face...But ya know it was GREAT! I think he had a fantasy about becoming a waiter, because he always took our food orders for meetings. There was "The little boy with leukemia" well ok she was not a boy, nor Ill...But she was some bitchy little short lesbian with one of those "I hate men" hair-cuts. She came back bragging about how she went to some concert and they let her dance on stage, and I ended up making some comment about how "they most likely let her on stage because they felt sorry for the little boy with a terminal illness". There was my OTHER supervisor B. I remember he would always take us all out bar hopping with his gold card and call it a write off. He was hot, and to this day I still fantasize I could be MRS.. B...But I think he married some short chick a while back so perhaps I should just let go of that dream huh? There were a few people on the night shift that I had become friends with while I trained them too. Ryan was one that I remember most. I think he had a crush on me from the beginning but I always had a boyfriend while I worked there so no chance. He was fired from there for talking on the phone every night to some girl 2 hours away, and ignoring other calls. He should have got the hint when his supervisor (who had listened in on all of his calls) told him he was "suave". He later instigated a failed e-mail take down of the company after he left, that lead to a career change of serving food in tights.

Some how I got promoted to Quality Assurance. All that meant is that I got paid a lot more to narc out all of my friends back in customer service when they sat on the phone talking to their friends. I loved that job, but they downsized and threw me back into customer service with the same rate of pay. I was like a kid at Christmas I was so excited. Although Customer Service wasn't as fun anymore. Chad got fired for sexual harassment of a lesbian. (Before that I think you had to commit murder in order to be fired from that place.) so my partner in call center crime was gone. I ended up hanging out with our office admin. Now I could go on and on and she deserves a post all her own, because she is in fact a witch....

But that will have to come later. I ended up gaining 20lbs, a LOT of friends, and a lot of skills working for that place, but sadly they closed the call center when Earthlink(The Devil's I.S.P.) bought us out. It was still the best job I have ever have.