Thursday, August 18, 2005

Professor Garden

As most of my Blog-A-Fans know I work for a moving company. In my day to day routine I encounter a few weirdos. My former boss J. Boss refers to them as freaks. Now "Professor Garden" as I will call him, is one of my more interesting shippers. He's not even moving with my company, so I am not sure why I have to endure his bad jokes, except that he is moving with our sister company and gets a discount on cartons here. Lucky ME!

My hours are 8:00 to 5:00, but I come in a lot earlier than that so I try and leave a little bit early in order to avoid the retarded people on the road, on the way home. This is fine unless of course some guy who is nearly dead, lonely and wants to tell me his entire life story comes in expecting me to provide quality customer service and run out into the warehouse and fetch him 24 boxes of various sizes. In his defense he did call ahead, so I was able to have them ready for him when he came in. That usually saves me from having to talk to people too long. This time, it didn't. He came in and loaded up his car with boxes, gave me a credit card, and should have been ready to go...But he sat down. I have learned that when they sit down they are either going to have a heart attack and die, OR worse. They are going to talk to me about their move, why they are moving, what they did for a living before they retired, or how much they got for selling their house to some poor unsuspecting valley person. None of which, by the way, do I care about.

I looked at the clock, it said 4:30. This is only getting worse as he talks about how he used to be an agriculture professor, and has been all over the world.
(Thoughts In My Head: OK! That's swell, now GET OUT Get OUT Get OUT!)
He starts listing the countries he has been to, slowly.
(Thoughts In My Head: OH MY GOSH! GET OUT!) Then he decides I need to know all about aquaculture...Where you grow crops in rows and raise fish in the rows between... (and NO mom I STILL don't know where the water comes from!)

He also taught me how to grow tomatoes in and old tire. As facinating as that sounds....NOT! In the hopes that it would get him to leave I told him I would try that. I keep looking at the clock, he keeps talking...This goes on for another 20 minutes. He finally leaves, but I can't lock up and leave because he is sitting in his car out front, and that would look bad. So I continue to wish him away. It doesn't work. He sat there for another 15 minutes, doing what I don't know. I don't wanna know. I just wanted him to leave. ARGH! I drive home thankful I won't have to see him again...I was wrong of course.

He came back this morning, to buy more boxes. Yes, folks he actually asked me if I had started my tire garden yet. I told him that perhaps this weekend I would try that.
(Thoughts In My Head: Cause I know where to get an old tire? Or even want to? I have soil, that works fine thanks.)
He actually gave me his address so I could send him veggies when I grew them. YEAH RIGHT! I told him I knew his new address since we were moving him there. I think that scared him, and he got his boxes and left. YAY!

Helpful Hint: If it's near closing time, don't go into a business and tell the people helping you your life story, cause I would bet a dollar they don't give a shit!

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